I’m a superhero.
It sounds silly, I know. Imagine how I felt! I was shrugging off bullets in the street and I still couldn’t get over how impossible it was. But it’s true, boys and girls- I am a superhero. I have superpowers. I do heroic things. I’m about three months in, now. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how to do this without killing people (you can only move so fast on the ground before things get in your way) or excess property damage. It’s harder than you think.
Or maybe you think it sounds really, really hard. You’d be right. Not only is funding my nightly exploits incredibly difficult, but forensic scientists are incredibly good at their job and I’m not exactly subtle. At all. Not even a little subtle. When I get going really fast I’m probably too bright to look at. Also, it turns out that sonic booms are really goddamned loud, and I tend to cause those by accident.
It’s probably stupid to put this all out there, but I think I’ve come up with an analog method of remaining anonymous and to be honest, I really need to tell someone about all the shit I see. Come with me, friends, on a magical and possibly life threatening voyage into the deliciously (why did I use that word?) dangerous world of a small town superhero.